Journey in Adoptive Breastfeeding: Part I

Sometimes in my field of work it is hard for me to talk about my personal struggles with miscarriage and infertility. I am able to be a part of so many women's birth stories and am truly honored to do so. But every once in a while I feel like my body has let me down--that what I was meant to do as a woman I can't. So although, I am unable to carry a child, my body is still capable of breastfeeding. So breastfeeding has become very important to me.

Both of my sons are adopted, so I thought breastfeeding was out of the question for me. As I began down the path of adoption, I realized that this was still an option. I read books like, Breastfeeding the Adopted Baby and Relactation and Breastfeeding the Adopted Baby and studied Jack Newman's Protocol for Induced Lactation for hours before my first son was born. I was truly determined. I started the protocol a couple of months before my son was born (although we didn't know that we would be chosen so quickly). My goal was to build up a supply of breastmilk in the freezer and breastfeed as much as I could, depending on my supply. Mason was born and we were selected much faster than I had anticipated, so I wasn't able to complete the protocol, and it showed in my milk supply (or lack there of), but I still tried. Although, I had no mass of breastmilk stored in the freezer, I began to pump. I also bought a special supplemental nursing system called a "Lact Aid" to supplement my milk supply--boy was this thing frustrating to use!

Despite my (I wouldn't say "best") efforts, I was unsuccessful at breastfeeding, but I did pump and bottle feed for four months. My particular breastfeeding experience with Mason was very disheartening and I thought once again that my body had let me down. Time passed and then we adopted our second son, Miles, who I immediately decided I wasn't going to even try to breastfeed him, so that I could avoid the feeling of failing. I guess I thought, "if I don't try, I can't fail." To this day, I wish I had given it a fighting chance with Miles.

So here we are on the waiting list for our third child--a girl! Will I breastfeed or won't I?...more about my addoptive breastfeeding journey to come in Part 2.

My two crazy boys!